Snow Suit-able

We’re having a January cold snap here in Dayton. Since moving to the US, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this comment: “Oh, you’re from Canada! You're used to this weather!”

Well, yes. I’ll admit I grew up in a place with cold so profound that the locals have fifty words to describe “cold” – my favorite being, “FRICK!!! It’s COLD!!!!” My hometown of Winnipeg has been known on occasion to experience winter-time lows of -40° Celsius. That’s freeze-your-nostrils-shut, frost-bite-your-fingers, freeze-your-toes-in-minutes COLD!  Even on good days Winnipeg regularly gets temps below minus 20 for whole entire weeks in December, January and February. Growing up, minus 20 never prevented us from going outdoors to build snow forts or head to the skating rink. Our mothers said things like, “Go outside! It’ll put roses in your cheeks!” "That's frostbite, Mom." Never mind. We were expected to come home before we actually froze to death.

Nobody got a ride to school. We girls wore woolly bloomers and the boys wore Long Johns. Our Grade One teacher held our long scarves against our heads and spun us around to wind the scarf over our foreheads, mouths and noses and then she’d tie the ends together. The mini-skirt years in my teens challenged our common sense, but fashion won out and our high school finally relented on the No-Slacks-in-Class rule so that we didn’t freeze our knees on the walk to and from school.

In a climate like that you grow up appreciating the sparkle of sunlight on snow drifts that are taller than you are and the squeaking sound of packed down sidewalks that won’t show pavement for months. You learn to be cheery and promote the virtues of those high pressure zones that keep the air as brittle as thin ice, “It’s a Dry Cold!” you chirp.

So, although we survived to adulthood in a hostile environment and actually made the best of it, the irony here is that Ken and I spent 20 years in Vancouver, British Columbia, where winter is more wet than snowy and spring starts in February. We adapted quite well to that mild climate and ultimately turned into wimpy west coasters when it comes to wintery weather. So, consequently, I am no longer used to cold and shiver along with the rest of you Southerners when temps dip below freezing.

Take tonight’s forecast low of 2° Fahrenheit. That converts to - 16° Celsius in the Canadian metric system. That’s a respectable cold that nobody would sneeze at, even in Canada! I certainly take these temps seriously. But, I fear you folks in Winnipeg (and Edmonton, Alberta) would laugh at us for all the fuss this causes around here. Weather reports sound like the end of days is near! News stories tell people how to stay safe in such frigid cold! We are reminded to bundle up! We are told to bring our pets indoors! We are urged to leave a water tap running day and night to keep pipes from freezing! Oh, please! Try living in a place where Newscasters warn you that the minus 50 wind chill factor will freeze exposed skin in 3 minutes!

Ah, there’s the key: exposed skin. You don’t want it. Sure you can dash from your house to your car without a hat because you know if you put on a toque (Canadian for “wool hat”) your hair will stand on end all day from the static electricity. But don’t go without proper attire, say, at a bus stop. If there is one thing we Canadians are good at, we can suit up for the bus stop. I know this from experience: if your bus is running late, you begin to worry seriously that they will find you, frozen stiff like those poor cats that used to get stuck on chain link fences in snow storms.

So, Dayton, I am here to help. My advice: get your winter kit together. Here’s what you will need:

A hat: one that covers your ears and scrunches down over your forehead. If you really have to, you can get one of those wool caps with ear flaps like Elmer Fudd’s, but be prepared for everyone to ask you if you are hunting Wascally Wabbits.

A long scarf: one that you can pull up over your mouth and nose so that only your eyes are peeking out. Try not to tear up in cold winds. As my mother used to say, “You better stop crying, missy! Those tears are going to freeze right to your face!”

Mitts: So much better than gloves. Your fingers will keep each other warm inside a good pair of mitts. You can also keep your bus token in there.

Coat: one that’s long enough to cover your rear end, is wind proof and has something cozy inside. Down and fleece are nice, but animal hides are the ideal for serious cold. I’m sorry if that offends anyone, but fur is about the only thing that can actually keep you warm in 40 below. Or maybe a bison hide. In any case, I know for a fact that wool isn’t going to do it for you. I had wool coats from age 2 to 20, when I inherited my grandmother’s Alaskan seal which was two sizes too big, but I didn’t care, I was finally warm. When my mother would take me to Eaton’s to buy a coat, she’d stick her hand under the lining to see if it had a chamois inside. She called it a “shammy” and it was supposed to be a wind breaker but I knew that little rag of leather wasn’t going to make any kind of contribution to my warmth. Forget wool. Get down.

Underwear: Long Johns. Tights. Nobody is going to know.

Boots: Here’s where current fashion is sensible – UGGS are ideal. Sheepskin lining is warm. But I know for a fact that wearing them indoors all day is VERY warm. Have a pair of shoes at work you can slip on otherwise you will have sweaty sheepskin.

Now, I know most of you are not bus riders. But it’s a useful analogy for thinking about how you can stay warm in adverse conditions. In fact, you could test your winter gear by going out to your nearest bus stop and just stand there for a few minutes.  You'll laugh at the cold! You’ll thank a Canadian! We’re used to it!

 

The winter kit.

p.s. By the way, - 40° Celsius is the same in Fahrenheit.  At minus 40, the equation between Fahrenheit and Centigrade equalize. That’s cold in any language!