This next topic will come as no surprise to any of my female
readers: we tend to be Over Achievers.
I don’t know about you; maybe I should speak for myself. I
have spent my adult life getting sucked in by that message, gleaned from
women’s magazine and from TV advertising that says we fall short of the mark if
we aren’t good at EVERYTHING. Lord knows I try to be perfect but it is just SO
exhausting!
We are instructed on how to achieve career fulfillment and
challenging yoga poses while we cook like Julia Child, entertain like Martha
Stewart and decorate like Architectural Digest. We should know how to buy a bra
that fits properly, how to caramelize cauliflower, how to write a thank you
note as gracious as a Jane Austen novel and eat Sushi following proper Japanese
etiquette. At the same time we ought to plant
a community garden, start a 501c3 charity, wrap inspired gifts for family and
friends using the pretty ideas we add to our Pinterest pages, fluff toss
cushions so they have that nice, slumpy creases like in the Pottery Barn
catalogue, get that pesky soap scum scrubbed off the shower door, make our
Weight Watchers goal in only three short weeks, train for a triathlon while
teaching 101 tricks to the dog, twitter clever bon mots, build houses for Habitat for Humanity in Papua New Guinea,
read all the best books and be prepared to discuss them at our next book group,
attend all the best Broadway musicals and be prepared to discuss them at our
next book group, see all the best art exhibitions and be prepared to discuss
them at our next book group, know enough about football to not embarrass our
husbands at the Super Bowl party, keep up on current events and be prepared to
discuss them at our next book group, make killer brownies, can tomatoes, dabble
in water colors and present our work at the community art show, get in 10,000
steps daily, floss each and every one of our teeth and be dynamite in bed.
Whew! As I said, exhausting! And those of you with kids: how the heck do you do
it?
Well, ladies, there is hope. Along comes a lone voice in the
wilderness urging us all to drop the perfection thing and accept our
shortcomings. A recent New York Times book review announced that it’s all about
“Finding Satisfaction in Second Best.” The book by Debora Spar is called,
“Wonder Women: Sex, Power and the Quest for Perfection.” This highly
accomplished author, university president and mother of three advises that we
women should lighten up on ourselves to save our sanity; we can’t do it all, no
matter how hard we try. And although her C.V. makes it appear as though she
DOES do it all, she claims she does not.
I thought, O.K., she’s got a reasonable argument and that
sounds like a mature approach, but who is going to listen? I mean, if I let
housework slide and someone notices that I haven’t cleaned the bathroom in two
weeks aren’t they going to report me to the health department? You see what I
mean. So we carry on in our endeavor for perfection.
And just to make sure that we understand in no uncertain
terms that OTHER women ARE doing it all – we give THEM awards! Woman of the
Year. Notable Women in Business. Top Ten Women who Knit Sofa Slipcovers. Their
biographies read like testimonials at Over Achievers Anonymous – see paragraph
three. Not to diminish their accomplishments in any way. Heck, I admire any
woman who has her makeup on before 8 a.m. But I always find it a little depressing to
think that here I am 60 and have yet to perform open heart surgery.
So what if we take Ms. Spar’s counsel seriously? That means
that we should start honoring women who are cutting back on perfection. Let’s
give awards to those who find satisfaction at coming in second.
Therefore, I propose the Slacker Awards. Or the “SLACKIES”
for short. I’m not advocating honors for
slobs. I’m just saying, let’s recognize women who find ways to gain a bit of happiness
by under achieving! The awards luncheon could feature paper plates, deli cole
slaw and take-out chicken. We could all wear our yoga pants, not shower and arrive
with bed head and no makeup. Guest speakers would not be required to prepare power
point presentations. In fact, they wouldn’t even be asked to give speeches! The
luncheon would be held at 2:00 and end by 3:00 so we could all get home in time
for “Ellen.”
As for me, I haven’t done last night’s dishes yet. I‘m only
going to teach our old dog two new tricks. There is a line of mildew along the
edge of the shower curtain that I might get to – or not. And the last time I
looked there were dust bunnies the size of Buicks under the couch. It’s totally
liberating. I’ll expect your nomination for my SLACKIE later this month.
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