Reely?

Each weekend in July and August, the classic film series at our Victoria Theatre here in Dayton recreates the movie-going experience of our youth —“our” referring to those of us old enough to have gone to the movies on Saturday afternoons in old converted Vaudeville stage houses such as the Victoria. Velvety seats, ornate décor, popcorn and a cartoon before the main feature all add up to that authentic movie zeitgeist of long ago.  

The fans are especially enamored of the 35 mm format that is a hallmark of such classic series. These folks like the graininess of the old celluloid, the sprocket noise and the slight color change noticeable when the reels are changed. Switching to digital or even DVD is unthinkable for these diehards who have staged uprisings in the past when 35mm versions were unavailable for scheduled movies.

The sad and sudden passing recently of the Victoria Theatre projectionist threw the series into jeopardy until someone adept at this lost art could be found to replace him. There are not many people around who possess the knack and timing to get the reel change-over just right.

So, long preamble to get to my question to Ken, which was, “Nobody at your place was in AV Club in high school?”

He informed me that projectionists are trained professionals who, although they may have started in AV Club, are a lot more proficient than your average high school kid who ran the health and guidance class films when we were in school.

And of course that led to a conversation about watching movies in class. Those were the best days at school. Who didn’t love it when the teacher announced in History, or Science or Guidance that we’d be getting a film that day. Yahoo! A chance to goof off, to sleep, or to pass notes in the dark. And I loved the movies. They all had narrators in lab coats with voices that sounded like their ties were too tight. And I loved it when the film snapped away at the end and went “SLAP-lap-lap-lap-lap-lap” winding onto the take-up reel. The big fluorescent lights would come back on again in the room and we’d all blink as our pupils dilated.

I always hoped that some cute boy from Grade 12 would come in with the trolley to load up the projector and sit at the back of the room while we watched a program on the reproductive life of the common fruit fly or how lava is formed in volcanos. Who needed sex ed?

“I was in AV Club and rolled the projector cart to classrooms,” Ken tells me.

“I can see that,” I said, because I totally could. “You were one of those cute boys from twelfth grade.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but it got me out of class more than a few times.”

“Bonus!” I said, “I remember one kid had to bring ‘the special film’ we girls got to watch. The teacher made him wait out in the hall.”

“Yeah, I had to do that once. I always wondered what that one was all about.”

“It was about ‘the wonderful time in a girl's life.' The stupid part was that the film never told us what IT was.”

“You’re kidding. It never told you what would happen?”

“NO! Maybe the other girls got it, but I was just, like, ‘What? What’s the wonderful thing?’ It said we shouldn’t shower in too hot water. And we would have to skip gym class. I had no clue why.  I was thinking, ‘What’s so wonderful? What are they trying to tell us?’”

“So did your mother explain it to you?”

“NO! The first time, I went all day thinking something was TERRIBLY, terribly wrong. By dinner time, I was panicked. I thought I was going to die! I finally went to my mother in tears.”

“What did she do?”

“Oh, she was pretty calm. 'I’ve been expecting this,’ she said and went to get a ‘pad’ which by the way came in plain brown wrappers at the drug store, like our mothers were doing drug deals at the pharmacy. And I was thinking, ‘What? What were you expecting? That I’d be dead at age 12?’ Some information here, please, people!”

By this time, we were both laughing. “I think the film was by Kotex. Kotex and Disney, if I remember right. It was a cartoon.” I said. “Anyway, don’t feel bad that the teacher booted you out to the hall. You wouldn’t have gotten it either.”