Achoo on You!

Have you noticed that you never hear about a cure for the common cold anymore? You know why? Because we’re all too busy talking about blame for the common cold.

Think about it. It’s somebody’s fault. And we want to know who it was.

“My kid must have brought this miserable thing home from school. Kindergarten is just one big petri dish.”

“I just bet I caught this rotten cold from that jerk who sneezes on the copier.”

“Oh, great. You’ve given me YOUR cold. Thanks a lot, eh?”

“Don’t kiss me! I AM NOT going to get what you’ve got!”

“I probably picked up this wretched cold from the air conditioning at work. You know WHO sets it on “Ice Box” and the rest of us go around shivering all day.”

“I’ve told you a hundred times! Wash your hands! Who knows whose germs you’re going to pick up.”

“You must have caught it on the plane. Should have taken your Airborne. Honestly, we’re all going to catch Ebola one of these days.”

“Did you go out with that wet hair? Are you just BEGGING for a cold!”

“For heaven’s sake! Will you please sneeze into your arm! You’re going to give your cold to EVERYBODY.”

At our house we are just now getting over late summer/early fall, transition-season colds that HE brought home from work a couple of weeks ago. Somebody gave it to him. And it’s his fault that I got it.

Both of us were cranky when that first sniffle and scratchy sensation in the throat came on.

“Yech! I do not need to get sick.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. Is it going around at work?”

“Like the plague.”

“I want names.”

I just knew I was going to catch it. It was inevitable. I felt it coming on. It was a Friday afternoon. Great, there goes the weekend.

“My throat hurts.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“I didn’t give it to you on purpose!”

“Hmph.”

We couldn’t POSSIBLY do this to OURSELVES! So how does this happen? It could have been that fan blowing on us at yoga. Or the wet towel the hair dresser used for our mini facial. Was it sitting in that clinic waiting room with all those sneezy wretches who pawed the magazines? Or was it the germ encrusted handle of the coffee pot in the break room? Maybe it was that kid that coughed all over the salad bar.

But how effective is it really to lay blame for our illness on something or someone? Will it make our flu-like symptoms go away any faster if we find out exactly how we contracted this vile virus? NO it will not! We’ll still have the damn cold.

So if you’re getting this thing that’s going around, stock up on case lots of tissue, buy your supply of Nyquil and slurp some chicken soup. You caught it. It isn’t going away. But if it makes you feel any better, turn to your spouse and growl, “You did this to me.” He’ll understand.