HOW DO YOU GET TO CARNEGIE HALL?

How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall?

The punch line of that old adage is well-known. The question: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? The answer: Practice, practice, practice. Translation? If you want to be good: Practice.

The saying refers to budding concert pianists and violin wunderkinder for the main part, but in a similar vein, I've heard it said that writers NEED to write. Painters paint. Dancers dance. Fish gotta swim. Birds gotta fly. Right? Right! Daily rigor. Strict discipline. That's what will get you there. 

And I'm here to give you some advice that nobody else has: Procrastinators gotta procrastinate. 

Yes. It's true. If you want to elevate your own delay tactics to an art form, you've got to put in the minutes and hours to get it right. I've spent my entire lifetime hampering my own progress, in, oh, I don't know, anything worthwhile. As a result, I have become an expert in putting things off. So, here are my tips on how to get yourself to the Procrastinators Hall of Fame.

1. Cultivate your Excuses. Everyday, garden-variety excuses, such as, "Those dishes aren't going to wash themselves!"or, "Mm. A cup of tea would go down nicely right about now," and, "What ARE we going to have for dinner?" are strictly rookie territory. Truly honed procrastination skills will put you into the sphere of, "My gosh, when WAS the last time I clipped those nose hairs?" or, "If only my socks were lined up in rows by color gradation." Look for anything that you simply HAVE to do first. Pretty soon, you will have found enough distractions to take you all the way through your DVR'd episode of Dancing with the Stars right up to bedtime and you'll have done zip-a-dee-doo-dah related to the task that gives your life fulfillment.
2. Ignore your Muse. Adopt a mantra, such as, "I have no idea what to…paint, write, draw, knit, play (insert your creative endeavor here.)" Repeat anytime you feel an urge to face the blank canvas or pick up your glue gun. Sure, so-called "creativity experts" will tell you that overcoming your block is simply a matter of doing the work. Smug, self-satisfied individuals are soooo helpful, aren't they? "Do the work and the work will take care of itself!" they chirp. You just want to strangle them.
3. Forget to Practice. This is an advanced maneuver. Try this ONLY if you have mastered Steps 1 and 2. Not all of you have been born with this natural ability. Like me. I can take a painting class on a Thursday and it will slip my mind until the following Thursday that I had a canvas started. I understood from an early age that I had this gift. I started at age 6 to take dance classes on Saturday afternoons. I was a mediocre performer at best. But, practice? Me? Nah! I just didn't remember until Friday night rolled around, "Oh, yeah! I have dance class tomorrow. Guess I should have practiced. Oh, well." Not a great dancer. Brilliant at avoidance. "I want to take piano lessons, Mom!" "Oh, really? In what world would you ever practice?" "Practice what?" "We're not buying a piano for you to never play it!" What kind of encouragement is that from a parent? Couldn't they see they had a procrastinating prodigy on their hands?

In case you hadn't noticed, I haven't written a blog in awhile. See Step 2 above. Well, actually, see Steps 1 through 3 above. My sock drawer is looking good, though. Carnegie Hall, here I come!