In Episode 3 of the Ridiculous Weekend, Ken and Lesley find
themselves on a leaf-peeping outing that goes in the wrong direction!
Neufs the Sitcom
Episode Three: “The Road Less Traveled – or, That Simply
Disappeared”
Sunday; 11:00 am
Neufeld residence; Front hall.
K: C’mon, let’s go! Leaf-peeping awaits! If we don’t go now,
we’ll never make it back in time to meet the window estimator at 2:00!
L: (calling from upstairs) I’ll be there in a minute. I just
need to wash my hair and put on some makeup and some decent shoes and figure
out what to wear.
K: We’re going to be in the car. Why do you need makeup?
L: I’d scare the children looking like this! (Laugh track:
Light chuckle)
K: There won’t be any children in the car!! (Laugh track:
medium)
L: O.K. I’m coming. (Stomps downstairs) I’m still pretty
peeved that we’re ruining a perfectly good leaf-peeping day for a window
estimator.
K: Aw, it’s not ruined. Let’s go now and look at as many
leaves as we can in under three hours. (Laugh track: light titter.)
L: Yeah, you’re right. (Gets into car) O.K. Where are we
going?
K: I don’t know. Where do you want to go?
L: I don’t know. Where do you want to go? (Laugh track:
chuckles of recognition)
K: Let’s not do that one, shall we? How about that sandwich
place in Greenville? We’ll have lunch and get a country drive in all at the
same time.
L: Maid-Rite? Oooh, goody! Good plan.
(Next scene: K&L at the Maid-Rite (since 1934) Drive
Thru and Café in Greenville, OHIO)
Café server: What’ll ‘ya’ll have?
L: Um…. Is that a burger on the menu?
Server: No, it’s a loose meat sandwich.
L: A what?
Server: Loose meat.
L: Moose meat? Huh!
Server: No, MA’AM, LOOOOO-SE MEAT! (slowly, like she’s
talking to a senior citizen) What…. would…. YOU… like….to …. OR-DER? (this last
bit in sign language)
K: We’ll take 2 sandwiches and 2 Cokes. (To L:) Have you
never ordered in a restaurant before?
L: I’ve never ordered a loose meat sandwich before. (Laugh
track: medium) What the heck is that?
K: No idea. But they make them fast! Here’s our order now.
(Laugh track: big laugh) (Server tosses two sandwiches wrapped in wax paper on
the table.)
L: (unwrapping) Look at that! Its ground beef on a bun! Huh!
It would have killed them to make a burger patty?!? (Laugh track: huge guffaw)
K: (finishing the sandwich and rolling up the wrapper) That
didn’t take long.
L: Certainly didn’t. We won’t be late for the window guy at
this rate.
K: Ah, but we aren’t there yet, my little peach. We still need
to go outside and look at the chewing gum wall. (Laugh track: surprised “Huh?” kind
of laugh)
L: You’re kidding. No you’re not! Oh my! Look at that! Hundreds
of pieces of gum stuck to the wall! (Laugh track: light laugh) It looks like a
flock of seagulls had target practice – all OOO-ver the walls! (Laugh track:
loud snort) Oooh! Not nice.
(Next scene: K&L back in the car, heading for home)
L: Let’s take a different route home. We might find even
better leaf-peeping opportunities.
(Driving along toward Piqua on Hwy 36; L at the wheel.)
L: See? Color!
K: Mm-hm.
L: And over there? Color!
K: Yuh.
L: And, ooo, look at that color!
K: Enough!
(Next scene – following Hwy 36 through Piqua to pick up
Interstate 75 south for Dayton)
L: Detour! Rats. Now what?
K: Just follow the signs.
(Following signs, passing the turn-off to I-75, turning
right and traveling parallel to the road that goes to the Interstate.)
L: One of these side streets must go back to the highway.
But which one?
K: Just look for another detour sign.
L: I’m not seeing another detour sign.
K: There has to be another detour sign.
L: Not so much. We’ve run out of road. (Car comes to a stop
in a parking lot) Where the hell is the detour? Who puts up signs for a detour
and doesn’t give you an exit route to a major Interstate? That’s just nuts! (Three other cars arrive in the parking lot
looking for the detour.) (Laugh track:
acknowledging kind of “been there” laugh.) Where to now Cap’n?
K: Just pull up to the end of the lot and we’ll look to see
if there’s a way out.
(K&L edge out over a curb, passed orange barrier cones
and onto newly paved, fresh road toward the I-75. All the cars in the parking
lot follow.)
L: Do you believe that? I’ve never seen just stupid signage
in all my life!
(K&L continue on for Dayton southbound on I-75.)
K: Let’s take the Edwin C. Moses exit off 75 – all this
construction is such a mess, we should get off it as soon as we can.
L: Good plan. Here’s Edwin C. Moses – huh – what is that? It
says “Detour to I-75 North bound”. What the heck does that mean? (making the
exit) Are you kidding me? They’re bringing traffic back onto 75? Where’s Edwin
C. Moses? How do we get to our exit? They’ve
canceled our exit! We’re going back North again!!! That’s just nuts! AAAUUU-GGH!
K: (at home, a half hour later – on the phone) Hello. Department
of Transportation?
Cue theme music.
Cue theme music.
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