Ode on an LG Fridge

I am not generally given to being poetic about appliances. Well, I’m not especially poetic at all really. But our new LG refrigerator arrived yesterday. I am sitting a few feet away from it as it quietly makes ice cubes. It is a work of art.

You see, I’m excited because this is our first new fridge. In the 35 years we have been married and the four houses we have owned, we have always made do with refrigerators inherited from previous homeowners. None of them has been the latest in fridge technology, but all of them have been serviceable and none were too hideous, such as being avocado green or harvest gold. So we saved ourselves the expense of buying this major appliance and carried on.

We have been disappointed in the fridge that came with our house here in Dayton. I’m glad to say it is now past tense. It had no water dispenser and the ice maker had been broken for some years. The door wouldn’t stay open when I’d be carrying, say, a heavy casserole dish from counter to fridge. I would have just liked it to give me time enough to get that dish in there without having to perform elaborate ballet moves to hold the damn door open with a toe. I’m just not that limber anymore. And besides, this can be very annoying if you are like me and have very little patience with household appliances that don’t cooperate (remember the vacuum cleaner I kicked down the basement stairs.)

Also, the old fridge seemed to have so little room inside — certainly not enough for 35 jars of partially consumed condiments that no one would ever finish. It was always a significant challenge to cram a turkey or oversized cauliflower in there. And it was just so noisy. It frequently erupted in monstrous spasms accompanied by loud “Ruuuur-ruuuuu-ruuuuur-ruuuuur” sounds. If I whacked it firmly on its side, it would pause for a few seconds but immediately start its dreadful rattle again. A hip check had no effect either. So, it was time.

We bought an LG with French doors that stay open, four produce bins, and a pull-out-drawer-type freezer at the bottom so that my Yeast Museum of frozen bread artifacts can be more easily rifled through when looking for rolls with no freezer burn. Plus, it has an ice maker and a water dispenser on the door that is wide enough for a pitcher. The light inside looks like it was intended for Starship Enterprise. This is what my new fridge looks like on the manufacturer’s web site.

I love my new fridge. A friend suggested that I fill it with fabulous fresh produce and take a picture. Unfortunately, once I got our half-empty jars back in, it didn’t look quite as glamorous as the web site.  One gallon of milk, one jug of o.j., three bottles of beer, two bottles of Chardonnay, a tub of whipped butter, eggs, some salad dressings, a bag of onions and a can of dog food later, it still looks pretty bare! But I’m not worried. I’ll be grocery shopping today. This whole event has made me wax poetic!

Ode on an LG Fridge

O rectangle shape! Fair fridge! With doors

That ope’ double wide to welcome deli meats and Tetrapaks with ease,

And ice maker that doth quietly not scare the dog;

Thou, slim form, with bottom freezer deep, doth harbor frozen peas.

And doth thy upper chamber shelter milk?

Aye, whole gallons by thy adjustable shelves and door holders!

And when old age shall this homeowner waste,

Thou shalt remain, scarce past your warranty.

Then, fridge, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,

“Beauty is fridge, fridge beauty, - that is all

In truth I pledged to this century!”

 (apologies to John Keats; Ode on a Grecian Urn)

Epilogue

Ken was in New York to see Broadway shows when the fridge arrived. But he called me on the night it was delivered and asked how I liked it. As I was describing its salient features, he suddenly interrupted to tell me that the giant digital “billboard” in Times Square had just flashed an advertisement for our LG fridge! I took it as a sign.