Alright, let’s all just calm down a bit. There was no cause for wide spread panic. Let me tell you about real winters and how to manage them!
People here in the U.S. frequently ask Ken and me about Canadian winters. The common misconception seems to be that temps in the Frozen North dip below freezing year round and that perpetual winter exists just as soon as you step across the 49th parallel. It’s true! Ha, Ha! A little Canadian humour there!
Mind you, many Canadian locales have had snow already. But, in these days of global climate change, even some wintery bad boys, like Winnipeg and Edmonton, can expect a thaw or two before the season is over.
Now, in my day…ahem (old fogey throat-clearing sound)… winters were winters. Growing up in Winnipeg, if we didn’t get a major snowstorm on Halloween, for sure we’d get one by mid-November and could count on the white stuff sticking around until April. We could also count on good solid stretches of minus 30 degree temperatures. Weeks of it. Fahrenheit or Celsius – doesn’t matter. When it’s that cold, it’s real cold!
Real cold is when your nostrils freeze shut when you walk out the door and take your first breath of sub-Arctic air. Real cold is when your eyes tear up from the biting cold and the moisture instantly freezes on your face (when your mother says things like, “For heaven’s sakes, will you stop crying, your face is going to freeze!”)
Real cold is when snow banks plowed up along roadways get taller than your averaged-height adult. And when the tires on your parked car actually freeze square with one flat surface at the bottom and you ka-thunk, ka-thunk down the street for several miles before they thaw and round out again. And when a three inch thick layer of frost builds up on the inside of your windows and you can draw pictures in it.
Real cold is when you know, from an early age, that there is a strong probability you could freeze to death while waiting for a bus.
My Canadian readers are thinking, “Mm-hmm. So?”
So, don’t we all feel silly when the evening news gives us winter weather warnings for a ½ inch of snow?
But, you know, Canadian winters aren’t all bad. We Canadians know how to have fun when the days get long and the snow crunches underfoot. We watch Hockey Night in Canada. We go to the theatre or the symphony. We engage in winter sports: hockey, skating, tobogganing...
…which reminds me of a conversation I had once with an elderly Winnipegger. The gentleman was in his 80s, the father of my mother’s friend, one of the many Scots who made up the population of old codgers in my neighborhood. I was in my 20s, recently married, out of work, with a car, which made me vulnerable to requests to drive elderly relatives to various appointments or what-not. I have no recall of where I was taking the old man, but I remember it was January. His opening remarks, in a thick Scottish burr, were, “Do ye cuddle, lass?”
“Uh,” I replied, “Well, now and again, yes… with my husband, anyway” (thinking, you old coot!)
“Aye, thas good!” he continued, encouraged. “Lads and lassies cuddlin’ together…thas good!”
“Um, yeah.” (O.K., what’s the old fool after?)
“I used to love cuddlin’ w’ the lassies!”
(Now thinking, am I going to have to turn this car around and take you home?)
“Cuddlin’ makes the winter gae faster, dunna ye’ think, lass? Keeps ye’ war-rrrdd-m”
“Oh, yeah…???”
“Aye, throwin’ and sweepin’ …”
(Huh?) “Oh, CURLING!”
“Aye! Cuddlin’!” he said as if I hadn’t understood a word he’d said.
“Yes, yes, definitely! Curling! Yup, sure does keep you warm alright!”
Whew! From there, the conversation took a brighter turn.
For my American readers who aren’t so familiar with the sport, curling is the national sport of Winnipeg, especially among the descendants of the Scots who brought it there. The heaving of a granite stone and the vigorous sweeping that follows can definitely warm you up! So do the shots of Scotch afterward.
Yes, curling really does make the winter go faster.
So can cuddling.
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