TALK TO THE PAW!

If I were a dog I would be seriously pissed off if my family put in an electric fence. It must be so confusing. There you are, guarding your property, like any self-respecting canine, when another dog walks by. So, you “ROWR, ROWR, ROWR, ROWRF,” just as loud and ferociously as you can, run madly down your driveway, hell-bent for a good fight, and get just close enough to the sidewalk to give that other dog what-for…. and what happens? You run right up against some kind of invisible force field and you’re left standing there at the edge of your lawn shaking your head and looking like a total fool! Pursuitius Interruptus! What must you be thinking at this point? “Oooooh, Man! This is SO embarrassing! That dog isn’t so tough! I coulda had him, Man! And now he thinks I’m a wienie!” or, “I just don’t get it! Every time! I go after dogs and cats and squirrels and bunnies and our mail man, and I'm just not making it past the grass!”

And what’s to stop the other dogs and all the cats, bunnies, Postal Carriers and squirrels from taunting the poor thing? “Nyaa-nyaa-nyaa-nya-nya-nyaaa! You can’t catch me!” It would be enough to drive a dog into counseling! “What’s wrong with me, Doc? I must be losing my edge! I’m SO depressed!”

I think it must be equally perplexing for dogs out on their walks, going past an invisibly fenced yard. I mean, they can’t actually read those little flags along the perimeter, so they have no idea. I know Riley’s reaction goes something like this: he sees that other dog from a block away. His ears perk up. He pulls out to the end of the leash, and I bet if I could see his face, one eyebrow has arched up. He’s thinking, “Oh, yeah, Dog? You want a bite of me! I double-dog-dare ya!!”

As we get closer, his ears flatten. The hair on his neck and shoulders ruffles up like a Rhodesian Ridgeback. He never barks back, but I can tell from the huffy breathing that he’s ready, “Alright! Come out here and say that! You’re all bark! Yeah, that’s it! Come out here! I TRIPLE-dog-dare you!”

And then, “Whoa! What happened there?” The other dog screeches to a halt and stands there dazed, like he’s been struck by lightning. Riley struts off. There’s swagger in his crooked little dog-trot. Clearly, he’s thinking, “Dude! Talk to the Paw!” like he totally rocks and his awesome fierceness has saved the day once more.

I never tell him about the shock collar. It would only upset him.