Of course, "Netflix" is Boomer Code for an astonishing array of internet and cable viewing services. There's Crave, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Acorn, BritBox, Showcase, HBO, Apple TV, Fire TV, YouTube, Global, and in Canada, we have CBC Gem, and CTV's five new streaming channels, as well as Netflix, plus a dizzying number of options on basic cable and On Demand.
We use the short hand "Netflix" because we have no clue what to call the rest of it. Channels? Apps? Platforms? Subscription Models? VOD? It's all Netflix to us.
I think we can be forgiven confusion over technical vocabulary. I started out my viewing career as a 1950s vintage kid with a 12-inch, black and white television set that needed a half hour to warm up, rabbit ears wrapped in tin foil, an on-off dial that you had to get up out of your chair to use, a test pattern, a manual channel changer, but only one channel, the good old CBC (everything else was "snow") which went off the air at 9 pm, after "God Save the Queen" played, and the image disappeared into a single blue dot centre-screen. The family would gather for Hockey Night in Canada, Don Messer's Jubilee, Our Pet, Juliette, Wayne and Schuster, and Front Page Challenge. I adored my favorite kids shows: The Friendly Giant and Chez Hélène. My friend's folks up the street put an aerial on their roof so they could get THREE American channels from North Dakota. Ed Sullivan!!! And Bonanza! OMG! I was so envious! I pressure my parents to allow these wonders into our home.
Years later, as young adults, our weekend trips to the neighbourhood Video Store seemed unimaginably high-tech. Browsing the aisles for first-run movies to rent, mostly already snagged up by other early-bird renters, we would eventually land on a mutually agreeable film to take home. A Saturday night stay-at-home date with popcorn and Coke. We certainly took those warnings about late returns penalties and not rewinding seriously, didn't we? A rental might be all of $9.99. But a lost tape? Oh, my heavens! It could cost you up to $99.99!
We really thought The Future had arrived when we figured out how to record a regular TV program on our VCR. We've come a long way since then, for sure. But even those of us who actually know how to use PVR to record cable network programming betray our age with phrases like, "Did you TAPE our show, honey?"
Currently we subscribe to several streaming options with listings in the millions. And we're still desperately searching for something to watch. We've worked our way through a number of the popular series, and we're in the middle of others. The problem is, unless we binge-watch this stuff, we can't remember where we last saw something we're only half way through. Or even the show's title.
"Do you remember?" "Heck, no. Do you?" "Was it Prime? Or Apple?" "No idea." "Maybe it was Acorn." "What was it called?" "Not sure." "It was that one from Australia." "No, it was Irish." "Oh, yeah, maybe." "That one with the young woman lawyer." "Do a search." "Acorn doesn't have search." "Well, then I don't know." "Google it."
So, we're off to the races, wrangling our three remotes, searching vast menus for where we left off with some show or other. "Have we watched Episode 6 yet? Or are we at 7?" "I don't know. Read the synopsis." "I did. No help."
Mostly we stumble across shows by accident. "Look! I found "Vera - Season 9!"
We share text messages with friends to recommend viewing. We chat for hours with other couples over dinner, "Ooooh! We have a good one for you! You know which one, honey, don't you? That show we watched on the weekend, with the guy, and the murders, you know, in northern Scotland, and it's really bleak, and we need Closed Captioning?" "Sounds good. Is it on Netflix?" "Dunno."
Never mind that all these subscription services are costing us an arm and a leg. We'll need to take out a second mortgage or else our pensions will run out by the time we're 80. Someone (younger) suggested that we subscribe, watch what we want to see, and then unsubscribe. Easier said than done, unless you have the patience of a statue, because you have to CALL somebody to do it. The "hold music" alone will make your ears bleed.
This Boomer's head is about to explode.
I think I'll go and rewind. Or is it unwind? Watch the fireplace channel maybe. That's soothing. It will tide me over until tonight when the search will be on once again, "What's New on Netflix."
Now, which remote do we use?
No comments:
Post a Comment