Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Yippee! I'm Second Best!


This next topic will come as no surprise to any of my female readers: we tend to be Over Achievers.

I don’t know about you; maybe I should speak for myself. I have spent my adult life getting sucked in by that message, gleaned from women’s magazine and from TV advertising that says we fall short of the mark if we aren’t good at EVERYTHING. Lord knows I try to be perfect but it is just SO exhausting!

We are instructed on how to achieve career fulfillment and challenging yoga poses while we cook like Julia Child, entertain like Martha Stewart and decorate like Architectural Digest. We should know how to buy a bra that fits properly, how to caramelize cauliflower, how to write a thank you note as gracious as a Jane Austen novel and eat Sushi following proper Japanese etiquette.  At the same time we ought to plant a community garden, start a 501c3 charity, wrap inspired gifts for family and friends using the pretty ideas we add to our Pinterest pages, fluff toss cushions so they have that nice, slumpy creases like in the Pottery Barn catalogue, get that pesky soap scum scrubbed off the shower door, make our Weight Watchers goal in only three short weeks, train for a triathlon while teaching 101 tricks to the dog, twitter clever bon mots, build houses for Habitat for Humanity in Papua New Guinea, read all the best books and be prepared to discuss them at our next book group, attend all the best Broadway musicals and be prepared to discuss them at our next book group, see all the best art exhibitions and be prepared to discuss them at our next book group, know enough about football to not embarrass our husbands at the Super Bowl party, keep up on current events and be prepared to discuss them at our next book group, make killer brownies, can tomatoes, dabble in water colors and present our work at the community art show, get in 10,000 steps daily, floss each and every one of our teeth and be dynamite in bed. Whew! As I said, exhausting! And those of you with kids: how the heck do you do it?

Well, ladies, there is hope. Along comes a lone voice in the wilderness urging us all to drop the perfection thing and accept our shortcomings. A recent New York Times book review announced that it’s all about “Finding Satisfaction in Second Best.” The book by Debora Spar is called, “Wonder Women: Sex, Power and the Quest for Perfection.” This highly accomplished author, university president and mother of three advises that we women should lighten up on ourselves to save our sanity; we can’t do it all, no matter how hard we try. And although her C.V. makes it appear as though she DOES do it all, she claims she does not.  

I thought, O.K., she’s got a reasonable argument and that sounds like a mature approach, but who is going to listen? I mean, if I let housework slide and someone notices that I haven’t cleaned the bathroom in two weeks aren’t they going to report me to the health department? You see what I mean. So we carry on in our endeavor for perfection.

And just to make sure that we understand in no uncertain terms that OTHER women ARE doing it all – we give THEM awards! Woman of the Year. Notable Women in Business. Top Ten Women who Knit Sofa Slipcovers. Their biographies read like testimonials at Over Achievers Anonymous – see paragraph three. Not to diminish their accomplishments in any way. Heck, I admire any woman who has her makeup on before 8 a.m.  But I always find it a little depressing to think that here I am 60 and have yet to perform open heart surgery.  

So what if we take Ms. Spar’s counsel seriously? That means that we should start honoring women who are cutting back on perfection. Let’s give awards to those who find satisfaction at coming in second.

Therefore, I propose the Slacker Awards. Or the “SLACKIES” for short.  I’m not advocating honors for slobs. I’m just saying, let’s recognize women who find ways to gain a bit of happiness by under achieving! The awards luncheon could feature paper plates, deli cole slaw and take-out chicken. We could all wear our yoga pants, not shower and arrive with bed head and no makeup. Guest speakers would not be required to prepare power point presentations. In fact, they wouldn’t even be asked to give speeches! The luncheon would be held at 2:00 and end by 3:00 so we could all get home in time for “Ellen.”

As for me, I haven’t done last night’s dishes yet. I‘m only going to teach our old dog two new tricks. There is a line of mildew along the edge of the shower curtain that I might get to – or not. And the last time I looked there were dust bunnies the size of Buicks under the couch. It’s totally liberating. I’ll expect your nomination for my SLACKIE later this month.

No comments:

Post a Comment